The achiever who lost it all!!!!

For my comfortability sake, I'm gonna write it as if it's my own experience!!

It was 1999 and elders were just expecting their kids to be in top position wherever they are! If everyone is a topper, then INDIA would be already leading the world right? So, to save world from that disaster i aspired to be what i am rather than to be a topper. But my parents weren't! They wanted me to score full in every examination, i mean who wants their kid to get full score in 7th standard. Well, my parents did and they tried very hard to get everything into my brain but, in vain. Five years later I am the second top scorer from my school in tenth standard. Everybody were surprised to see me score that much, but then was when i heard the word "Achiever"!! I didnt feel like i deserved it but i wanted it so badly, to feel like an achiever. Intermediate (+2) passed without any adventures as everybody seemed to just get into IIT's and NIT's. Don't expect much, because i failed every GOD damn competitive examination and got a seat in a local engineering college which had 25 years of experience in training arseholes (engineers)! Engineering passed with a few hiccups but right on time. Then came the surprise everybody was waiting for! The exam which decided who's an achiever, "GATE"!!!!, with which you could get into national institutes for continuing masters. Everybody were seen with their mouths and eyes gaping wide enough for a bug to enter,... to watch me with an AIR (All India Rank). Well, then i felt like i am an achiever and i deserved it! I can say a line which suits me better." I am best when i am least expected."  Masters was a visible challenge which i ignored without any second thought. I achieved more than anyone had ever expected. I didn't foresee my future to feel like everything's gonna be okay. I knew when to worry, i knew when to study, i knew when somebody says "get ur arse up here and study till your brain's exhausted and you can't take it anymore! " But what's the point in doing all this if that doesn't have a reason. The reason was there for me. I had to make my elders happy and proud, for once i wanted them to feel like giving birth was never a mistake! I wanted my parents, my friends, my relatives to feel proud of me and to watch them say my name aloud and tell to everyone that they know me! I wanted to be famous just to watch everyone i knew get delighted. But what did i miss amidst of all these? I never thought about what i want. I achieved a top score in two toughest examinations in the world, but for whose sake? I never wanted it to sate my thirst. I wanted it for others. I just wanted a peaceful life for me! I am 28 now and i earn a lot than anyone can ever imagine. I work in a MNC because of IIM degree which i got through CAT (the 2nd achievement) ! But for whose sake! I am not a man of conciousness, I dont have a generous heart to take care of others! Its not because i dont care, but i never grew up thinking about others! I just wanted to make my elders feel proud and not to be disappointed with me.

                                                                      The years i spent studying did not teach me how to live, how to survive, the knowledge did not teach me how to be selfless, how to actually live like a human. I've become a machine which i hate to use. My girl doesn't want me near her because she felt like i only wanted her to be my maid, to be my pleasure machine. May be that's true. I achieved and anybody will say i am not an  achiever, but to me there is nothing that i can say i feel proud of achieving that, i never have! Now i dont have anything. If i die, i will not be buried traditionally, nobody will cry for me! I am just another organism in all other countless other organisms!!
            Who am I? I am an achiever who lost it all!! Or felt like i lost it all! ;)