Only waiting to cast its spell

I'm nothing but a curse, the last one you'd wish !
I know it's hard to let go, but baby, Love is not what i have.
this is pure form of evil, only waiting to cast it spell,
Just go away, far away from the clutches of mine,
for, once i get hold of you, i cannot leave you, for , baby,
this is pure form of evil, only waiting to cast its spell!

Once upon a time, there was me
full of dreams, of only you..

what not did i do to gain the trust,
to make you believe that mine is not lust!

It was the time when i sought only love,
which i buried deep in an alcove, now!

Repent is what comes to mind,
for i have lost you by being blind!

Even if a chance comes by,
I promise I wont come near by!
'coz this is only evil baby, only waiting to cast its spell!

Life pissed me off clasically!!!

So, it happens that I am in my bed thinking about continuing my nap before waking up for a busy day, I get an ISD call, notifying me of something that changed my day.

Something happened and i am feeling uneasy. I want to write so that it takes things off my mind. I should be able to write because i am heart broken now and and wouldn't think of what to write when i am writing. But i am unable to do it. Then it is obvious that i am not heart broken or i didn't love her really to feel any real pain when she is slipping away. Or it might be that i loved her so much that my mind isn't really working to even frame a little sentence. Still, i wrote this much meaning my assumptions of the situation I'm in are really not that true and i am thinking of something else entirely indicating that the pain i feel isn't that hurtful to stop me from thinking about anything else.
But ,
While i am writing this, i let go of all the work i was supervising and now i have no idea whether the work was done in the way it is supposed to done or not. So, that concludes that i have been feeling uneasy and wanted to shift my focus to something else to relieve myself of the pain , since the work i should be doing was not proving effective in making me forget the real pain.
God, this is something else entirely . May be this is the way i should be reacting considering the situation I'm in. But if it is really me, then i should be focusing on my work, not on writing this, since I'm known to be heartless or anti-sentimental  , meaning I'm a machine and these wouldn't bother me even a tiny bit.
I think i should be considering this as a reason to realize that things we fantasize about sometimes aren't gonna happen and i should stop this crap right now and get real.
Thank you life, for pissing me off classically.

Pen is mightier than sword! If you ask me, sword would also cut the paper, just fine!

When pen doesn't work, it's better to use sword! Don't jump to conclusions. I suggested the usage of sword, not the way of usage. I will come to that later.
Fear, is a very ancient feeling. Of all the myriad of emotions, only fear and satisfaction were the two that guided the survival of every race, every species living. Rest came through experience, they were the derivatives of developments that were felt due to repetition of similar events. But fear is a different one, wasn't it? We felt it when the survival was questioned. A relief from fear was satisfaction of life, of success.
As evolution progressed, fear became more of a tactical devise to the clever and cunning.
Any animal or human alike will act similarly when fear is induced. For this, we don't have to make him face fear but inject it in slowly and methodically like a poison flowing through every system before it reaches the heart to kill the individual. But the motive isn't killing , is it? Inducing fear has only one possible goal, to make people cry for hope, to make them listen to anything one says that can help in reducing fear and raise hope!
A doctor can give you hope by erasing your unnecessary fear over your health. But if the doctor advises you against doing something in order to live healthily, you take that advise! we take that advise!
This induction of fear always comes from higher level of hierarchy. From the boss to the manager, from the manager to the supervisor, from the supervisor to the labor. This results in a "cone formation",  depicting the level of spreading fear from one source to everyone related to that source. Any system or organization cannot function solely on the basis of  warmheartedness or content souls. This is a conventional world. We do whatever it takes to make it more easier, more profitable, more luxurious. It is this agenda that drives the higher hierarchy to try unconventional methods to obtain faster development. When a system receives too much good of anything, it wont be alert , it will remain ignorant to the skill to survive in imminent crisis. But, when in a system, when we are content and happy, our psychology reaches a saturated stage and will result in peace, luxury and lethargy. Though these words do not imply the same meaning , they bring upon the similar effect upon individuals according to the level of his/her position in the system. At this stage, these effects counter the effect of fear induced through pen. But when this same fear is induced through sword, the change is immediate, drastic, a complete turn-around. I am not suggesting to use stainless steel Japanese samurai weapons on every individual's neck and issuing threats, but the level of fear to be induced. There is a threshold to the level of fear too. After a particular limit, life enters a stage of despair, thinking and acting like there is no return. So, the level should be nearer to the threshold, but should not cross it.
But to contradict my point, I believe that "pen too can induce the same amount of fear as does the sword; both are just two different ways to achieve what needs to be achieved, to chose from!"  

A bull "shat" on the philosophy!!!

With the conventional world, that our forefathers have built, around us, we get to see the unconventional way of living in very rare circumstances. Some of them are simple, no harm done nor any drastic deficiency of the physical needs. You just have to change your view. But, some are fatal, they kinda diminish you in every possible way, so that you will have to struggle and fight back your way into the world.
There are lot many rules we need to oblige, a peculiar pattern we need to set to live a life that has some moral values. But there exists only one simple mantra to survive, "live and let live". No matter how trendy you may become, how worthless the sentimental values have become in this modern world, a human being should have compassion to his/her fellow beings. Without it, you might as well get naked and roam around in the jungles and hunt your food like the rest of forest kind.
Being proud of an achievement is one thing, but what are you proud of and moreover why are you even proud when you are leading a meaningless life, only you dont know it! You are so damn proud of yourself that you dont want to bend your head a little to jump away from the manhole you are heading to. What would be the result, i mean where would that possibly lead you to? New heights, nah, you go spiralling down a shitty hole.
People chose from a variety of lifestyles and lead them. But most of them, almost of them contain a certain fear of being embarrassed at accepting the truth. Facing the truth is the most effective way of moulding yourself. Truth might be hard, it will be hard, you have to accept it even if it hurts you. Accepting the truth doesn't mean that you have to live with it everyday. You can accept and get on with it and try to change it.
Most of these truths have a subject common in them. well, i am just saying, in most of them. Sex. three simple letters formed to create a world of love, passion, addiction, pleasure, luxury, crime and immoral lifestyles.
Well, that's an example i can come with, but still the truths behind the aspects of sex or related to sex are the ones that most of the people are ashamed to face, embarrassed to accept, unwilling to cope up even if it eventually pops up.
Some even go as far as believing in their arrogance and thinking that it is their ignorance and since ignorance is bliss, they can lead a blissful life as far as they say far away from the truth. See, this is what makes lives complicated. I am not telling to leave your responsibilities and walk around naked, shagging, screwing or getting screwed and leading a wild life. Our ancestors have already done that and got civilized.
The point is, never make yourself believe in something without accepting the truth first. Or there is no difference between you and delusional, depressed sack of meat. Accept the truth even if it makes you feel ashamed, the aftermath is worth it. You get to change yourself and lead a life without having any embarrassing secrets.

P.S: this is bullshit philosophy. and i accept it. LOL

Insanity redefined......!

The music is on, one moment there is the lakme flower duet and then the next it changes to the glitch mob remix of seven nation army. I haven't been noticing the playlist, but i have been imagining a peaceful life listening to the opera. But this remix beat shakes me out of my reverie and within seconds i'm thinking of booze, wild parties and untimely insanity. Life has been offering a new twist everyday, a new adventure awaiting every morning.
This adrenaline rush, it never stops..
the hunger it just grows stronger, not of food but of blood..
the nerves strain, muscles pull, eyes glower with lust.
This torture, this madness, it doesnt flinch when i see the prey,
Sanity just vanishes, thoughts merge, giving me clarity,
i'm no human anymore ostensibly an animal, wandering though deserted streets, calling and looking for its prey. this game, its exciting, enticing, invigorating. I'm deprived of all senses by the end of day, not knowing whether i have to sleep or not. Insomnia grips me hard, this energy , its exhausting to carry, to spend, only the fear of losing the next day's adventure makes me close my eyes forcefully!
"may be the age" says my father, looking at me with horror, as make my appearance with dishevelled hair, flailing, staggering on my steps, grunting all the way.
To kill, to tear through the flesh with just teeth, to peel the skin off with bare hands , to bath in blood, to kiss the mistress, beating the shit out of her, to play with fate, to enjoy pain, to torture with pleasure, to laugh at the problems, to run when world wants you to stop, to show off at the jealous bystanders, to tell them to shove their D's in their respective arses, to make fun of the powerful, to just spite them out of interest, to fight out of amusement, to bewilder the guests, to kick the authoritative, to be the dictator. Yes, the thought hangs there...in middle air...i just gasp and grasp with my fingers of imagination and see myself hauling the dead bodies of the greed, relatives of fools into cemetery.
This insanity is redefined as i try to find my way back to write after a long time of withholding the urge. this play of words has not ended, it's just the new beginning as i start my new era of an "achiever's" life!!! 

Ghost in the deserted city

When the sun is alive and the darkness fades,
the wandering ends and i crawl under the shades,
When the moon is reborn,
I become the cold of death, searching, waiting, for the victims to stop by my humble facade.
I wander and wander until i find someone to surrender,
I dont taste wealth for it is bland,
rather i find the love and compassion of a soul, intoxicating.
There were days when people believed in love,
those were the days when i filled my alcove.
Soon the lives became complicated, making it tough for the relations to exist, neither i was the reason nor any other but the mankind itself.
Now, I am nothing but a lonely ghost wandering in the deserted city, for it has lost its fame in the whirling fires of selfish flame. Wars came and went, taking the lives before i had the chance to prey on them. My clan thought we were the ones whom the humanity feared, but it became clear that the humans feared no other than themselves. Filled with greed over money, lust and power, they brought havoc. the days of wisdom are long gone. I do not hear the stories of legends anymore, rather being a ghost i became sick of hearing the same wailing cries of lost lives, fighting for a chance, wishing for a gulp of air, sip of water. Slowly and slowly, the demons too dissolved, ghosts found peace in their degraded bodies. I was left alone since i had no idea where my body was too.

When the sun is alive and the darkness fades,
the wandering ends and i crawl under the shades,
When the moon is reborn,
I become the cold of death, searching, waiting, for the victims to stop by my humble facade.
I wander and wander until i find someone to surrender!!
Under the hood i wait, with my empty eyes,
for there is nothing but hollowness left in the world to fill the gap!!!!!

Stinky Shitty System: thesis of an NITian

Abstract:
NITs, IITs, IIMs, Research institutes, Labs, there is a never ending list of prestigious educational institutions in India. This article deals with an overview of my life at an NIT, my actions and their consequences. Do no think I'd be writing about material and methods and validation of my experiments with educational system.
Introduction:
After a strenuous struggle for a week, I cracked GATE, which was fortunate considering the time i spent to crack it, but still unfortunate since i got into a nightmare for 2 years of endless struggle, I'm finally going to breathe of air of freedom in less than 2 weeks to come. My name is Anudeep Krishna Bheemineni, as my blog profile indicates. I have been doing my post graduation here in this NIT for the last 21 months. Got to say, when i first stepped into this prestigious institute, I did not feel an awe or was struck with mesmerizing view of scholars streaming through the gates. It seemed normal. There was one year of course work and another year of project work to complete before i got my degree.
The first 6 months were the best of my life. I went to swimming, gym, partied almost everyday. It was a living dream. And most of all I studied too. Well........lets not stress on my studying part more. I studied enough to get through regulations. Made new friends, many friends. Most of all I had time to do what i wanted to do. I was pretty arrogant too. Didn't care for rules, regulations. I came and went as i liked, studied as i wished. Midst of all these I didnt see the troubles i am going to face for all my actions that seemed fair enough then,
Actions & Consequences:
My first notable action was to write a letter of protest to the academic office complaining about the increase of fees. We didn't plan to spend all our scholarship on our fees. Well, not all of us planned to. I got my fees covered by my parents. But still being an NIT, I didnt expect it to loot us of our stipend in various forms of fees. So i wrote and stayed put for anything unexpected to happen. What followed was really unexpected, I got a call from the office requesting my presence. I obliged. The officer was holding a printout of my mail with a few official signatures on it and for the next half an hour, he asked "very politely" about the letter and cleared my doubts about the fee. When i came out, i decided to not to write a letter anymore for the sake of sparing myself from an irritatingly gruesome lecture.
My second action, though was completed in a matter of hours, its effect followed for the rest of my stay here, making my life miserable. I skipped a Seminar & Technical course work and went away to spend my summer vacation at my home which was not allowed to post graduates. The in-charge of the course called and asked me to submit my poster as a requirement of the course, so that she will not fail me and instead I get to pass with a decent grade. I obliged again. All seemed pleasant enough. I felt lucky. But when i came back, i found my grade unchanged, and i had an F in my grade sheet. For the months that followed my trips to academic office became routine though the clerk there forgot who i was everytime, like as if he had some kinda short term memory loss and i had to make him remember my name and the purpose of presence there.
A few weeks later, during one of my regular visits, I came to know the actual problem behind my unchanged grade. My name was never submitted for a grade change. Astonished, i went to the incharge of the course and she said she had sent the grade as soon as i submitted my poster, but there seems to have been a problem at the office itself. Another semester completed before the problem was sorted. When the last semester approached, i found myself drowning deep in trouble because of this. What seemed a matter of few minutes, became a career threatening task. I never expected these kind of consequences.
Now when i am just a hands reach from my freedom, the problem still stays unsolved because of the delays caused by the respectable faculty and staff members.
Conclusion or statement of fact:
Now there are 2 weeks left for me give a presentation, submit my thesis and run away from here. My project is a genius but due to lack of my interest, the project became hell and when i write my thesis, it looks more like a detective novel than theoretical project thesis. 14 days to breathe the air freely, live my life happily without any problems of education. Freedom here i come.
A brief mix-up of words:
I dont suggest or advise as to how to stay out of trouble. The word mistake exists because people get to commit a few mistakes. A student has to make a few to learn something out of it. But if the whole education system is flawed, you have to be careful about your moves. When i first entered PG, i wanted to study more, now all i want is to get away from this damned place with my degree in my hand and never to look back. This is not a conclusion I have reached because of my actions. Almost every student in NIT accounts for this. Every PG student sees hell in here. The flaw is that infectious. These high profile institutes are not for post graduates, these are a living dream for a graduate but not any further. The jobs you are offered are mediocre, the life and the respect you get for qualifying one of the toughest examinations in INDIA is almost negligible. At 23 years, which is the youngest for a PG, you get to write home work , imposition. The facilities are absolute shit compared to real time research labs but you are expected to deliver amazing results and innovative thoughts.
What is wrong with having an option of flexibility in education?
Absolute 100% concentrated raging bull's shit is what present education system offers in a silver bowl!!!!!!
References:
Go to hell dear reader, to you, i bequeath my narration of a series of events, not experimental work submitted after reviewing scores of literatures. In other words,  I get to cite myself.